Hey friends. I thought I’d stop in for a second and give you an update on how things are going and where I’m at with this pregnancy.
Oh gosh. It’s been really, really hard lately.
Things were going really well in the 2nd trimester, and I was feeling super hopeful that I would get through this pregnancy relatively unscathed, but ever since I hit 29 weeks I’ve been feeling super miserable.
It’s mostly the acid reflux. It’s been so intense that even water makes me feel really nauseous. The only thing I can eat that doesn’t make it flare up is ice chips… yum!
I did talk to my Dr. about it and she gave me a prescription, but it hasn’t really helped. The only thing that really does anything at all is Zantac, but it only keeps things at bay for about an hour.
I’ve been throwing up lately again, and the tiredness has come back full force, and… I just feel miserable. It’s so hard to be available to my girls, and keep up with them, when I’m feeling so miserable.
Feeling this way has triggered some of the prenatal depression I had with the twins. I just feel so hopeless when I think that I have 10 more weeks of this, and it’s likely to get worse the bigger I get.
And then I go into a cycle of feeling guilty for feeling so miserable, and wanting this pregnancy to be over so desperately… and for feeling depressed and anxious. I feel guilty knowing there are some women who would do anything to be pregnant and that how I’m feeling is something that will go away as soon as I’m done.
I have an appointment with my Dr. on Friday and I’m going to talk with her about this, but right now… this is where I’m at. When I was pregnant with the twins these feelings came in waves, so I’m hoping that things will balance out soon. I’ve always been emotionally super sensitive to hormonal fluctuations in my body so I’m hoping that my body will regulate (as much as is possible during pregnancy) soon and I’ll start to feel better.
But as far as how things are going to look around here, I’m just not sure. Just last week I felt super energized and up for posting a lot but now I feel barely able to even think about blogging, let alone get dressed or take a shower.
So I’m just going to take it one day at a time. I’ll post when I feel up to it, but I’m not going to put pressure on myself to post with regularity.
If I’m being perfectly honest with you guys, I just REALLY hate being pregnant. I’m not one of those women who enjoy it or look forward to it and I think knowing this is my last pregnancy I’m even more anxious for it to be over with so I don’t ever have to experience it again (again, enter the guilty feelings for feeling this way). I also know now what it’s like to actually have the baby, and I don’t have any reservations for the “after pregnancy” stage.
I just want to meet our little guy and put pregnancy acid reflux behind me forever.
So anyway, I don’t write this post to complain to you guys. I just want to give you a bit of insight into why things might be quiet around here the next couple of months, and to hopefully let anyone else who’s feeling this way to know they aren’t alone.
So often I hear, “pregnancy is hard, but I know it’s all worth it.” And while that sentiment is 100% true it’s not always helpful. Of COURSE it’s all worth it, of COURSE the outcome will make me forget all of this. But RIGHT NOW, in these moments of feeling so awful, I just want to know it’s okay to feel this way without a caveat.
Okay. That’s all I’ve got. I guess I’ll just see you when I see you.
Oh and P.S. my RSS feed isn’t working, and I realize my e-mail updates haven’t been sending (they are RSS driven), but I have zero energy to be on the phone with my web host right now to get it fixed. It’ll be fixed eventually, but bear with me please.