If you’re an older reader, you may remember that at the start of my fall capsule I was really struggling with body issues.
I was still breastfeeding at that point and I wasn’t losing weight like I thought I would… or like I was told I would. Plus, I had just started Truncation a couple of months earlier and I felt the fact that my pictures were being put on the internet for the masses (a.k.a my loyal readers) to see.
It helped me so much to put it down in words, because to be real and honest with you, it’s not something that I felt I was “allowed” to talk about in real life. I’ve always been on the thinner side, so I felt guilty about feeling bad about the extra weight I put on during pregnancy and afterwards. Besides that, as new mothers, we’re supposed to just embrace our new bodies because of the miracle that we now have in the form of our child right??
What a lot of people didn’t know, including friends and family, is that I’m not naturally thin (although I am naturally smaller boned). I was when I was younger, but when I hit my twenties that all changed for me. What a lot of people didn’t know is that before I got pregnant I worked to stay thin. In fact, I was rather hard on myself. I tried to eat as healthy as I possibly could and work out intensely as often as possible and I really struggled inwardly when I “messed up.”
So when I got pregnant, it was really hard on me to lose the control that I thought I had. Pregnancy was really hard on me and I found that the only foods I could stomach were really, really unhealthy foods. Plus, I was so sick for most of it that working out wasn’t an option. Then when I did finally feel better I found out I had preeclampsia, and my midwife didn’t want me to do anything overly strenuous.
Once Kit was born, I was still living in that pre-pregnancy head space and was doing intense workouts and trying to eat as healthily as possible, so when I realized that I’m one of those women that hangs onto their weight while breastfeeding it devastated me. I assumed I would be able to control my weight as I always had.
You see, what I didn’t realize was that my problem wasn’t my weight. My problem was that I had been assuming that being thin was what made me… me. I had always been the thin girl. So when that started to become harder and harder to maintain, I pushed myself harder and harder so that I would still be that girl.
But you know what? Around the time that I put my winter capsule together, I realized that my weight is actually not what makes me who I am.
I think it is important to live healthfully and to exercise, but the average women can’t force her body to be something it simply isn’t.
I’m never going to look like I did in high school and you know what? That’s okay.
In other words, I realized that I don’t need to wear a size two in order to feel good about myself.
In fact, I started to realize that I needed to approach my health like I was approaching my capsule wardrobe:
It’s okay to not get it right all of the time.
It’s okay to not be perfect.
Make mistakes… embrace them because they are part of the whole process.
Take baby steps toward an overall goal.
And if you are making a conscious decision to eat a gloriously unhealthy treat, go for the highest quality treat you can find. Then relish every moment of it.
Body issues can be so controlling.
They can make your day… or they can break it. They can make you feel so unworthy. But really? We’re so much more than a number on the scale. We can be successful, hardworking, intelligent women and not wear a size two.
I’m learning to let go of that need to look how I think I should and learning to embrace how I look today, tomorrow, next week, no matter my weight.
I’m choosing to focus on the fact that I’m a kick ass woman who has mountains to conquer.
And if you struggle with this too, I pray that you’ll be able to let it go (insert Frozen theme song here) and start living your own awesome life that isn’t hindered by the number of inches on your hips.
Until next time,