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Confessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel Confused

Confessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel Confused

Confessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel Confused Confessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel ConfusedConfessions: Why Motherhood makes me feel Confused

Top: Thrifted. Similar | Jeans: Old. Similar | Shoes: Old. Similar | Purse |

Before I had Kit, I worked full time in an Admission’s Office at a local university (for all you Admission’s workers out there… solidarity).

What I did was very technical and it took a lot of mental energy and so I often found myself coming to this little wooded trail on my lunch break.

I’ve talked before about how nature brings me clarity.

I would put in my headphones, crank up the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack (you heard right), and just wander for a while.  It was so incredibly rejuvenating!

Some days I would bring a book and sit on this little bench and breathe in the smells of nature while getting lost in the story.

I’m finding that as a mom, those kind of opportunities are rare. I don’t often find time (although I am eternally grateful to have a husband who gives me breaks when I need them), to get alone with my headphones and thoughts.

Still, it’s fun to bring Kit to these places where I found so much rest and where my spirit was refreshed.  I love to share these bits of my heart with her, even though she’s too young to understand what is so special about it.

Somehow, even though I am not getting these daily refreshments, I feel that I am given daily grace to raise Kit with joy and delight.

That’s not to say I don’t have rough days. I definitely do!

In fact, the last couple of weeks I went through an extremely emotional time where I think I was mourning the life that I had before Kit.

Being a mom can be so confusing sometimes.

On the one hand, I am SO overjoyed to have Kit in my life and I would NEVER trade it for anything. It is, hands down, the best job I have ever had or will ever have.

Still, on the other hand, I miss having a career, I miss David and I just being the two of us, I miss abundant amounts of alone time (have you gathered that I’m an introvert yet??).

But underneath all of that confusion is a feeling of awe that I get to raise Kit and a joy that she’s OURS.

Motherhood is hard. It’s wonderful. It’s thrilling. And I have no idea what I’m doing.

Until next time,

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*Photos were taken by Olivia Holloway

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18 Comments

  • Reply Christina K. Rambo

    Word.

    September 23, 2015 at 4:36 am
  • Reply Shann

    You are so right. Motherhood is confusing and hard. I never feel like I know what I’m doing, and I have 3 boys. Thank you for being so open and honest. It’s good to know we’re not alone in this.

    September 23, 2015 at 6:28 pm
    • Reply Karin

      Thank you Shann! I don’t know if we’ll ever get to a point where we feel like we know what we’re doing. Solidarity right?!

      September 23, 2015 at 9:00 pm
  • Reply Maggie

    Karin, none of us do. Have any idea what we’re doing, that is. And yet we’re not just the best ones to do it for our littles, but the only ones who can. Ain’t that a kick? Motherhood is NOT for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.

    I think stopping to evaluate the changes in our lives is a valuable exercise. Sometimes the process validates that you’re right where you want to be, and sometimes it helps you see where you need to go. I remember taking my twins for their 1 year and the pediatrician asking about their care and my voice catching when I said I was at work full-time. She said – then why don’t you change that? It was breathtaking in its simplicity but I hadn’t seen the forest for the trees. And while it took a lot of maneuvering to get there, eventually I was able to move into a part-time role. Best thing ever for my entire family. I guess that ramble is to say YES to pausing to listen to your confusion, your qualms, your joys and your sorrows, because sometimes they have your answer to the question you didn’t even know you had.

    September 23, 2015 at 6:53 pm
    • Reply Karin

      Oh Maggie that is so well put! Sometimes I forget that I was put on this earth to be her momma. 🙂 And you are right about not being able to see the forest for the trees. I’m still figuring out what our future will look like, but I really am loving where I am right now. Thanks for your encouragement!

      September 23, 2015 at 9:02 pm
  • Reply Lisa

    I totally get this. It was really hard having my identity change so vastly when C was born, and even with 2 girls I sometimes find myself envying the working mother. Especially the “work one day a week mother.” Yet, I know and feel so blessed to be at home with my girls that in the end, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    September 23, 2015 at 7:20 pm
    • Reply Karin

      I get how you feel Lisa! Things did change so drastically that I feel like I am still catching my breath. Thanks for sharing!

      September 23, 2015 at 9:03 pm
  • Reply Sarah

    A-MEN. Motherhood IS hard.

    Your blog is beautiful and I just recently started a capsule wardrobe. I’ll be digging through your past posts for more inspiration!

    September 23, 2015 at 7:36 pm
    • Reply Karin

      Thank you Sarah! All of you Mamas giving me encouragement is going to make me cry again. 😉

      September 23, 2015 at 9:03 pm
  • Reply Kim

    You are so right. So many feel this way and never say anything. I struggle with how many assume that you are a SAHM and therefore have no education or career prior to having children.

    September 23, 2015 at 10:48 pm
    • Reply Karin

      Thankfully, I haven’t had that response yet! I would be highly offended to have someone assume that about me as I’ve worked hard to accomplish what I have in life. I hate that people have put that assumption on you!

      September 24, 2015 at 4:29 am
  • Reply Megan Elford

    Oh my goodness, I’m a huge Mohicans fan too. I could listen to that soundtrack NON-stop!

    September 24, 2015 at 2:01 am
    • Reply Karin

      Kindred spirit! I love that!

      September 24, 2015 at 4:31 am
  • Reply andi

    it’s tough sometimes – but a cute baby makes it all worthwhile 😀

    September 24, 2015 at 2:22 am
    • Reply Karin

      Thanks Andi!

      September 24, 2015 at 4:31 am
  • Reply Andrea H

    Well said Karin! I can surely relate. Motherhood is an emotional tug-of-war between their needs and my wants. I have been at it a little longer than you (my first was born 6 years ago) and I definitely miss working and having a career, but at the same time I know I’d be so sad if I couldn’t be with them now. I kind of want to have my cake and eat it too, you know? Blogging is a good outlet in that regard. 🙂

    September 24, 2015 at 6:58 pm
    • Reply Karin

      That’s a great way of putting it Andrea! And I agree about Blogging. It gives me something to do that isn’t being a mother and I think I need that diversity.

      September 24, 2015 at 8:00 pm

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