Before I had Kit, I worked full time in an Admission’s Office at a local university (for all you Admission’s workers out there… solidarity). What I did was very technical and it took a lot of mental energy and so I often found myself coming to this little wooded trail on my lunch break. I’ve talked before about how nature brings me clarity. I would put in my headphones, crank up the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack (you heard right), and just wander for a while. It was so incredibly rejuvenating. Some days I would bring a book and sit on this little bench and breathe in the smells of nature while getting lost in the story. As a mom, those kind of opportunities are rare. I don’t often find time (although I am eternally grateful to have a husband who gives me breaks when I need them), to get alone with my headphones and thoughts. Still, it’s fun to bring Kit to these places where I found so much rest and where my spirit was refreshed. I love to share these bits of my heart with her, even though she’s too young to understand what is so special about it.
Somehow, even though I am not getting these daily refreshments, I feel that I am given daily grace to raise Kit with joy and delight. That’s not to say I don’t have rough days. I definitely do! In fact, the last couple of weeks I went through an extremely emotional time where I think I was mourning the life that I had before Kit. Being a mom can be so confusing sometimes. On the one hand, I am SO overjoyed to have Kit in my life and I would NEVER trade it for anything. It is, hands down, the best job I have ever had or will ever have. Still, on the other hand, I miss having a career, I miss David and I just being the two of us, I miss abundant amounts of alone time (have you gathered that I’m an introvert yet??). But underneath all of that confusion is a feeling of awe that I get to raise Kit and a joy that she’s OURS. It’s funny because I wasn’t planning on writing this today… and it has nothing to do with Capsule Wardrobes, but this is what came out when I sat down to write and I find myself crying as I type it. I think my soul needed to get this in writing. Motherhood is hard. It’s wonderful. It’s thrilling. And I have no idea what I’m doing.
Thank you for making me feel safe enough to be vulnerable! I’m so thankful to have such an encouraging community.
Until next time,
*Photos were taken by Olivia Holloway
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